1. You fall asleep in the dentist’s chair even though, apparently, you have “severe” gingivitis (because you lost your floss months ago and keep forgetting to replace it so that you can at least pretend to have decent hygiene), a slight phobia of the dentist, and an Apple watch that keeps pinging you and whoContinue reading “Tell me you’re a mom of young kids without telling me…”
Tag Archives: motherhood
Just Your Typical Morning (Part 1)
4 AM: 2-yr-old comes into your bed screaming for yogurt. Because it’s breakfast time…You spend the next hour and a half explaining that no civilized human eats before the sun rises. 5:36: You relent and let 2-yr-old feast on crackers & yogurt in your bed. 6:30: You alarm goes off, which your husband doesn’t hear.Continue reading “Just Your Typical Morning (Part 1)”
Things my kids have said about my body…
Things my kids have said about my body… “Mommy, I love how your boobs hang down and point to the ground” “Eww, Mommy, you smell terrible!” (As 5-yr-old sticks face in my croch “Look, Mommy’s undies are so big I can use them as my suitcase” “Squish. Squish. Squish.” (As 2-yr-old kneads my belly) “Mommy,Continue reading “Things my kids have said about my body…”
Spring Cleaning
I just spent an entire week organizing my house. Literally it is all I did for an entire week. And you would never know it. The whole process is really 1 step forward 2 steps back, so it really is possible we are in worse shape now than when we started. Because unless my kidsContinue reading “Spring Cleaning”
Ice Cream
I cannot believe there are still so many places where marijuana is illegal but ice cream trucks are given free reign to stalk, torment and endanger so many lives. Children and adults alike. I don’t know about you, but weed has only ever given me happy experiences. Sure, the occasional paranoia and hangover, but theyContinue reading “Ice Cream”
Parenting Perks
Sure, I haven’t used the bathroom alone in 6 years. I’ve had to jump off the pot mid-use, pants around my ankles to break up a fight or save a child from certain death more times than I can count. But you know what else hasn’t happened for the last 6 years of potty-going? IContinue reading “Parenting Perks”
Giving Up
The other night for dinner I served my children popcorn, corn chips, guacamole and grapes. On the floor. In front of the TV. I had spent the last 12 hrs listening to whining, leaping to keep tiny fingers from getting crushed in doors, and holding my shit together so that the primal scream in myContinue reading “Giving Up”
Bra Bites/Bras Bite
When I was little I wanted a bra SO badly. I would sneak into my mom’s closet and try on her lingerie, pieces I thought were the most elegant but now realize were worn, tired mom bras. It was the early 90s, and shoulder pads were the perfect shape to stuff into the bras. OnContinue reading “Bra Bites/Bras Bite”
Executive Mal-functioning
I have this stack of planners, calendars and journals on my bedside table whose sole purpose is to shame and nag me. The pile continues to grow every time I spot one too beautiful NOT to buy at the Paper Source, or each time I open Instagram to feel bad about my parenting/body/wardrobe and amContinue reading “Executive Mal-functioning”
Minivan of Dreams
These days, we are stuck at home a lot, watching the clock, waiting for that glorious time of day after the tornado of bedtime when we can pretend for 10 or 15 min that all the kids are in bed and won’t bother us again until morning. Before someone needs water. Or their tag itchesContinue reading “Minivan of Dreams”
I'm Worried My Therapist Hates Me: A neurotic millennial's musings and doodles on life, parenthood, and the myriad ways she can blame her mother for her troubles. 