Parenting Perks

Sure, I haven’t used the bathroom alone in 6 years. I’ve had to jump off the pot mid-use, pants around my ankles to break up a fight or save a child from certain death more times than I can count. But you know what else hasn’t happened for the last 6 years of potty-going? I haven’t experienced the panic of realizing halfway through that my husband “forgot” to change the empty TP roll. Constant toilet company means there is always someone there to run and fetch me a fresh roll. And in a day full of parenting struggles, this isn’t nothing…

Since becoming a mother, I have also been blessed with the delightful experience of pet ownership. And no – we don’t have a dog or a cat. It’s hard enough keeping the humans under my roof fed and somewhat clean. But I am the proud mama to ants, worms, snails, and aqua dragons. Forget the fact that I have a slight phobia of ants and that my family promised I wouldn’t have any interaction with these insects. When you get a call from your hubby at work explaining that he had received notification that the vile of ants had been delivered, and could I please follow the directions to get them into the terrarium because they’d freeze outside if we waited for him to get home from work, you jump to it. Because I’m even more terrified of my children than I am of those ants. And when your kids promise to be the ones who will spray the worm dirt to keep them alive, you realize that means one more chore for you to nag them about, and you end up keeping the worms alive yourself because a.) there is less chance of a mess if you do it and b.) even though the kids show absolutely no interest in said worms, you know that should they mysteriously disappear, there will be hell to pay…

And once you become a parent you no longer need worry about carefully curating your walls and décor, because all surfaces will be covered by the dozens of masterpieces your kids produce and so lovingly urge you to display. Unfortunately, you will have to worry about your kids discovering their masterpieces in the trash when they begrudgingly go to throw out their wrappers.