Oral Hygiene

The other day while I was tidying up my 5-year-old’s untidy-able room, I came across a decorated plastic box. Intrigued, I opened it to find dozens of multi-colored flossers, all sorted according to hue. When I asked my son what this was, he nonchalantly told me it was just his collection. I had recently beenContinue reading “Oral Hygiene”

Tell me you’re a mom of young kids without telling me…

1. You fall asleep in the dentist’s chair even though, apparently, you have “severe” gingivitis (because you lost your floss months ago and keep forgetting to replace it so that you can at least pretend to have decent hygiene), a slight phobia of the dentist, and an Apple watch that keeps pinging you and whoContinue reading “Tell me you’re a mom of young kids without telling me…”

Just Your Typical Morning (Part 1)

4 AM: 2-yr-old comes into your bed screaming for yogurt. Because it’s breakfast time…You spend the next hour and a half explaining that no civilized human eats before the sun rises. 5:36: You relent and let 2-yr-old feast on crackers & yogurt in your bed. 6:30: You alarm goes off, which your husband doesn’t hear.Continue reading “Just Your Typical Morning (Part 1)”

Things my kids have said about my body…

Things my kids have said about my body… “Mommy, I love how your boobs hang down and point to the ground” “Eww, Mommy, you smell terrible!” (As 5-yr-old sticks face in my croch “Look, Mommy’s undies are so big I can use them as my suitcase” “Squish. Squish. Squish.” (As 2-yr-old kneads my belly) “Mommy,Continue reading “Things my kids have said about my body…”

The Biggest Smallest Irritations

You know what I feel like people don’t talk about enough? How incredibly painful it is when a corn chip gets lodged up in the roof of your mouth. That sh*t can really ruin a perfectly delicious bag of Doritos – which, by the way, my mother never had at our house but which IContinue reading “The Biggest Smallest Irritations”