Things my kids have said about my body…
“Mommy, I love how your boobs hang down and point to the ground”
“Eww, Mommy, you smell terrible!” (As 5-yr-old sticks face in my croch
“Look, Mommy’s undies are so big I can use them as my suitcase”
“Squish. Squish. Squish.” (As 2-yr-old kneads my belly)
“Mommy, why do you wear your underwear all the way up to your boobs?” ANSWER: it’s the only way to squeeze this empty baby-sac into my high-waisted leggings.
“I love the strips on your belly” (Thanks, I wouldn’t have them without you!)
“Mommy, why do you have booboos all over your feet?” It’s called dry feet, MF. And in case you haven’t heard we are in the midst of a global pandemic and I haven’t had a pedicure in years
“Mommy, why are your arm pits hairier than Daddy’s?” ANSWER: daddy is a Swedish WASP. Mommy’s a Russian Jew. Who is too lazy to shave.
“How come Daddy always wears pants with buttons but you never do?” ANSWER: because of YOU!
“No, Mommy! I can’t sit in your lap because of all the prickles”
THANKS KIDS FOR KEEPING IT REAL! WHO NEEDS CONFIDENCE ANYWAY?