imworriedmytherapisthatesme

Sibling Rivalry

When my brother and I were little we had our own rooms. This worked well for Aaron who liked being alone with his books and his toys. But I required constant attention and companionship. So one day I packed up my teddy bear and favorite pillow and moved into his room. Just like that. AnotherContinue reading “Sibling Rivalry”

Confessions

I have never read The Giver. It’s one of those books people assume you have read. I’ve spent the last 30 years pretending that I have. I’m not sure why I don’t just suck it up and read this YA novel – it would probably take an hour or so. But pretending has become aContinue reading “Confessions”

An Ode to Postpartum Objects

Thank God for those glorious mesh panties they give you in the hospital after you have a baby. And the ice packs that they pretend are pads. Thank God for that satisfying “pop” when you bend the ice pack to activate. And thank God for its wonderous cooling… All hail this miracle spray which IContinue reading “An Ode to Postpartum Objects”

Beauty Routines

My grandma has the most beautiful skin of anyone I know. The only product she has ever used on her body or face is Nivea. My grandpa, who escaped Nazi Germany, introduced her to this product… When we visited Auschwitz in 2008, we saw an old tin of Nivea that belonged to one of theContinue reading “Beauty Routines”

Bodies

I wish I lived back in the time when plump bodies were the ideal of beauty. Not only would I have been beautiful, but my large post-baby breasts would be back up where they are supposed to be because of the lovely corsets I would undoubtedly be wearing… Shoes are the very best accessory becauseContinue reading “Bodies”

Hypochondriacal foundations

When I was in 4th grade my class read a very upsetting book called Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes. This book pretty much ruined my life. The little girl in the story is dying of leukemia from radiation from the atomic bomb in Hiroshima. And ever since I learned of Sadako’s plight, I’ve beenContinue reading “Hypochondriacal foundations”

Thoughts on the 2020 election

I don’t know why I can’t stop thinking about what John King’s body looks like under his suit. Is that bulk muscle? Is it pudge? Whatever it is it’s very regal… I never thought I would feel so intimately connected to news anchors. But I guess that’s what happens when an election keeps going andContinue reading “Thoughts on the 2020 election”

Quotidian Antisemitisms

When people say CHallah bread… At my WASPY elementary school, I accidentally bumped into my academic nemesis as we lined up at the door. He turned around, looked me in the eyes and said ‘Jews have the knack of getting on my nerves.’ We were in 3rd grade. I wonder how he learned a phraseContinue reading “Quotidian Antisemitisms”

Mask up!

I’ve seen these very fancy masks sold by an expensive brand, adorned in pearls. They even have pearls strung on the ear elastics. Maybe I have extremely sensitive ear-backs, but large, hard beads are the last thing I need around this appendage… When my kids wear masks they always end up with a giant spit-soakedContinue reading “Mask up!”

Aunt Flow

I was 14 when I got my first period. I was expecting it since most of my friends had already gotten theirs. There was a little Italian restaurant that we passed by every morning on the way to school. For some reason my mom and I had decided that when I became a woman weContinue reading “Aunt Flow”