If I would have been taken seriously, I would have answered the question “Why do you want to be a historian?” on the application to graduate school: “because of the American Girl dolls.” Instead, I BSed my way through the application (and my PhD program, for that matter) with some nonsense or other about changingContinue reading “Ways my Mother Wronged Me”
Tag Archives: childhood
Barbies, Babies, and Puffy Coats
One of the greatest offenses my mother committed was her desire to keep us bundled up and warm – even on the most important of holidays: Halloween. To this day, Halloween is still my favorite holiday – I’ve never missed a year of dressing up. And the point of dressing up, let’s be honest, isContinue reading “Barbies, Babies, and Puffy Coats”
Pacifiers
I used a pacifier – or as my family calls it, a woobie, until I was very old. Too old. So old, I have completely fleshed-out memories of my beloved woobies being taken from me forever. To try to ease the transition, my mom made me a woobie pillow. Basically she sewed my woobies betweenContinue reading “Pacifiers”
Physical Education
In high school we were required to participate in a sport. I chose tennis because it had the least amount of running – or movement of any kind the way I played. After running out of excuses to tell the head of the P.E. department as to why I couldn’t run the 4 laps aroundContinue reading “Physical Education”
“The Seck”
“The Seck” Parents and families have all sorts of weird names for their genitalia. Sometimes these monikers come about organically based on the funny way a child pronounced “vagina” or “testicle.” Sometimes parents are too uncomfortable with the scientific names for body parts and succumb to “pee pee.” A friend of a friend’s family calledContinue reading ““The Seck””
Traditions
At Passover every year someone in the family quietly places a spoon on their nose. A cousin, or an aunt sees this and quickly follows suit. Soon, we are involved in an unspoken, but-never-the-less extremely cutthroat competition until my grandfather has had enough of the sacrilege and cries “Dayenu!”… My grandmother has cooked every mealContinue reading “Traditions”
Fancy Footware
When I was little my mother would not let me get a pair of sparkly Mary Janes. Even though I knew they were the most elegant shoes on earth, she thought they were tacky. I think most of my neuroses stem from this egregious affront… Certainly my attraction to anything glittery is due to theseContinue reading “Fancy Footware”
Christmas Angst
I am in a bad mood from the day after Halloween (3 weeks before Thanksgiving!) when I walk into Starbucks to hear Feliz Navidad and Eggnog lattes on the menu. Christmas season, which has grown in length over my 30 years, is rife with anxiety for me… As the only Jew in my class atContinue reading “Christmas Angst”
Confessions
I have never read The Giver. It’s one of those books people assume you have read. I’ve spent the last 30 years pretending that I have. I’m not sure why I don’t just suck it up and read this YA novel – it would probably take an hour or so. But pretending has become aContinue reading “Confessions”
Quotidian Antisemitisms
When people say CHallah bread… At my WASPY elementary school, I accidentally bumped into my academic nemesis as we lined up at the door. He turned around, looked me in the eyes and said ‘Jews have the knack of getting on my nerves.’ We were in 3rd grade. I wonder how he learned a phraseContinue reading “Quotidian Antisemitisms”
I'm Worried My Therapist Hates Me: A neurotic millennial's musings and doodles on life, parenthood, and the myriad ways she can blame her mother for her troubles. 