•Am I failing my children?
•Will my 6-yr-old ever learn to ride a bike?
•Why won’t 6-yr-old wipe his own butt? Is it a fine or gross motor problem? Does he need OT? Is he just lazy? Does he need regular therapy?
•Should I register for Weight Watchers? Will my therapist be disappointed in my? Does intuitive eating mean eat all the things all the time?
•Why am I so tired all the time? Is it normal to love naps this much? Am I lazy? How can I sneak in a nap so that my pandemic-WFH-husband doesn’t know and wonder why I’m making HIM get up with the kids in the morning? If I nap right now will the nanny judge me for paying her so I can sleep?
•Does my 4-yr-old have some sort of sensory disorder? Is that why he’s obsessed w/ wearing pj’s? Or has my own pandemic-chic-loungewear-look ruined him for life?
•What’s going to happen when I have to wear clothes again but can’t fit my pandemic belly into my wardrobe?
•Did I permanently ruin my child’s self-esteem when he found that pile of his art in the trash? Does he believe me that it was the cleaners even though they haven’t been here for a week?
•Does the UPS man judge me for receiving so many Amazon packages?
•Shit – did I miss my alarm signaling camp registration has opened? Will my kids return to school in the fall left out and behind in whatever skills one is supposed to learn at camp? Worse – will I have to spend time with them this summer?
•Should I pop a Xanax? I probably should – or did I finish those? Maybe I still have some Ativan…
•Am I a drug addict? I did skip that extra Advil yesterday for that headache that miraculously went away when my husband finally came down for the evening and took the kids. So no – not a drug addict. Maybe just a drug admirer.
•How can I get out of book club w/o admitting it’s the 5th book in a row I haven’t read – but really, there’s way too much Grey’s to catch up on.
•If I tell everyone I have a migraine will they believe me? Is this the excuse I used last month?
•I really should go to the doctor about these headaches, but they’ll make me get on the scale, and I don’t want to know…
•You know what? I won’t do WW again. I’ll try Noom. Instagram hasn’t led me astray in the past.
•Except that time I received the box full of cheap Chinese clothes I couldn’t return.
I'm Worried My Therapist Hates Me: A neurotic millennial's musings and doodles on life, parenthood, and the myriad ways she can blame her mother for her troubles. 