Glowing

Before I got pregnant with my 1st child I had this beautiful idea of what it would be like: I was going to eat lots of organic, leafy greens, go on lots of hikes looking oh-so-adorable in my normal sweatshirts that were just a bit tight over my perfectly hard, ball-shaped belly, and I’d practice hours of prenatal yoga to ensure my baby received all those good, calming chemicals. The reality of my 3 pregnancies, as you might guess, looked very different. I HATED BEING PREGNANT! I took absolutely no pleasure in my ever-expanding body – my boobs, thighs and arms grew at almost double the rate of my belly. I didn’t want those leafy greens anywhere near me. Really, I could smell them from my bedroom upstairs through the fridge in the kitchen. Everything hurt, especially during my 3rd pregnancy when my pubic bone was split in two. Yup, that’s a real thing. People talk about finding it difficult to tie their shoes – no one warned me that I’d have to find new ways to wipe my butt. And hikes! Forget it! I spent the majority of each pregnancy camped out on the couch figuring out new ways to get my husband to fetch me food without my having to move. Some of this was a result of doctor-recommended bedrest (apparently my cervix is a tad bit incompetent, an actual medical term), but honestly I doubt I would have been much more mobile without this lovely excuse. My babies and I survived on Oreos, pop tarts and bagels, and I spent 80% of my time googling “is my diet going to make my baby stupid” while stuffing my mouth with chips…

Once at a restaurant a family wouldn’t stop staring at me. Annoyed, I finally said “Can I help you?” to which one of them responded, “Oh, sorry, we were just watching to see if you were going to fit in that booth.” And honestly, I don’t blame them. I was a medical marvel, having gained almost 3X what doctors recommend during pregnancy. So many strangers asked me if I was having twins that I started to answer in the affirmative. This was only a problem one time when the woman revealed she had been a mother of multiples and then drilled me with very specific twin-related medical questions…

A good way to end up on my bad side is to complain about the 40 pounds you gained while pregnant. 40 pounds is nothing compared to gaining the weight of a small adult!