Giving Up

The other night for dinner I served my children popcorn, corn chips, guacamole and grapes. On the floor. In front of the TV. I had spent the last 12 hrs listening to whining, leaping to keep tiny fingers from getting crushed in doors, and holding my shit together so that the primal scream in my head stayed there, locked up where it couldn’t traumatize my kids. So when they were finally quiet – and still – zombified in front of my boys, the Kratt Brothers, I could not convince myself that poking the sleeping beast was a good idea, even for nourishment. I knew, however, that if I didn’t throw some food their way I’d regret it at bedtime when they would turn rabid and ravenous. So I called it a TV picnic. And my eldest told me I was the best mom in the whole world, which is the opposite response than I’ve gotten every-other night when I put effort into their dinner. And by effort, I mean defrosting a Trader Joe’s meal. And hey – I’m pretty sure the guacamole made this a well-rounded meal…

The other day I had a brilliant idea. After screaming at my kids to stop what they were doing (jumping from console table to couch to coffee table), urging them to be careful, and explaining I didn’t want to make a trip to the ER in the middle of a global pandemic, I gave up trying to get them to listen, went to the garage, found their helmets, and threw them their way. “Fine,” I said, “at least put these on.” Their play turned to a head-crashing game after this, but at least I could sit and drink my coffee in peace…

Confession: my kids usually only brush their teeth before bed. There’s just too much going on in the AM to remember to fight with them about it. And I figure these baby teeth are going to fall out anyway…

Question: Does one actually have to wash their kids if you use bubble bath? Clearly in our house the answer is no.